Over the course of my life, I’ve weathered a lot of
crises (mine and those of other people). As a lawyer, crisis is a fundamental
part of my life. It’s why people call me in the first place. As I’ve waded
through all those crisis situations, I’ve noticed some pretty common
inefficient behaviors people (read: me) do that don’t help.
I bring them up here on the far outside chance you may
do some of the same things.
Today’s thesis is pretty simple:
When you find yourself in shit’s creek, abandon all
thoughts of fairness. Instead, focus on the fact that you are literally
standing in a creek of shit, and start coming up with ways to get out.
See that branch over there? How about that root? Could
you climb up that slope? As disgusting as this metaphor is, it is a good one.
The terrain and how you use it are relevant to getting out of this proverbial
creek. What are your capabilities? What assets do you have? Start assessing
these and how you might use them, and you are now on your way out of shit’s creek.
Want to know what’s not relevant to the exodus?
Fairness.
Does it matter why you ended up in this creek of shit?
Not in the short term. At the very least, not until you get out. Does it matter
that other people, perhaps even more deserving people, are not in this creek?
No. Meditate on that as hard as you want, and you will still find yourself
immersed to the waist in shit.
Only through action can you possibly be saved. Only through well-reasoned and realistic action
will you probably be saved.
How do you get to such well-reasoned and realistic
action? Here are my steps:
1. Admit you are in shit’s creek:
I know, this sounds obvious. But seriously, denial isn’t just a river in Egypt.
It’s a freaking force if nature that has powerful effects anywhere there
happens to be a human being. I can’t tell you how many people I have seen whose
primary coping strategy to being in a crisis seems to be doing utterly
spectacular mental yoga to convince themselves that they are not in a crisis.
(I’ve had a guy looking at his fourth DUI swear to me that he doesn’t have a
drinking problem.) You cannot get out of the crisis until you say to yourself, “I
am totally screwed by [insert problem]. Now what can I do about it?”
2. Carefully examine the creek:
Now that you admitted there is a problem, you are just getting started. The
problem needs a name. Or names. (It might be an interrelated system of things.)
Go through it carefully, doing your best not to cloud your vision with fear or
denial. Look fully in the face of whatever is causing you problems. I recommend
literally sitting down and writing down a list of everything. That way, it goes
from an amorphous maelstrom in your mind to a manageable list on paper.
3. Find your ultimate exit point:
Look at the terrain around you. Somewhere, somehow, there is a way out of the
creek. In terms of your problems, this is what I would call the “big solution.”
You can usually quickly spot big solutions because they can be described in one
short phrase. Examples: Get out of debt,
fix my marriage, get my health under control. In terms of creek-exit, it is looking
at that spot out of the creek where you’d like to end up. Until you know where
this spot is, you cannot plan. You can only flail around and hope to get lucky.
With Murphy’s Law being what it is, you probably won’t.
4. Check for other creek occupants:
There’s a chance you may not be standing in the creek alone. You’d be amazed
how often standing in shit’s creek is a group participation sport. Be grateful
for this. You are the sum total of your ideas, your capabilities, and your
resources. So is everyone else in the creek. Together, you are more than that. Given
that you have a common interest (creek exit), you’ll already have something to
talk about. Make introductions, describe the problem (“we’re in shit’s creek”),
and commiserate briefly (“I hate this creek”) because going on a long diatribe while
standing in human refuse is not a good idea.
5. Survey your assets:
Look at your ideas, capabilities, and resources. Count your companions and
their ideas, capabilities, and resources as part of your own. Survey the
territory you are standing on for those distinct features you might use. In
terms of crisis management, this means that you should force yourself to list
these out as well. Peoples’ fear about outcomes often makes them blind to the
assets at their disposal. Making a list engages your logical mind and helps
counteract this effect.
Make sure the other creek
occupants can see the list, because your known assets are limited by your
perception. You may have some available to you that others can see.
Also, if you see someone
laying on the bank with his chest heaving as if he just got out, work up the
courage to ask that guy. Being in shit’s creek (or any crisis) is a harrowing
experience, and survivors usually do want to give hints to people still
climbing out. There’s absolutely no reason to “re-invent the wheel” if other
people have come up with perfectly effective methods.
It does not matter what
your problem is. Here in the information age, there is simply no excuse for
getting on a computer / to a library / on a help-line / etc. to figure out how
others have exited the creek you are standing in. It is overwhelmingly likely
that you are not a special snowflake and others have triumphed over your creek.
6. Think:
Now that you know your assets, figure out how to use them intelligently and
make a plan. And remember, without
specifics a plan is just a wish. “I’m going to grab this root, pull myself
up onto that ledge, and then wedge my foot onto that rock.” What you need is a
list of specific actions, one following the other, that continue until you
reach your goal.
If you find yourself
coming up with an en masse creek
exit, specifically chart down what is going to be done, who is going to do it,
and when? If you cannot answer all these questions, all you have is a dressed
up wish.
Unless you maintain a
condo in a lamp and have pointed shoes, you cannot wish yourself out of shit’s
creek.
7. Execute the plan:
Now you are at the stage where you are actually progressing towards your goal.
It is important that you execute the plan. If you do something other than the
plan, or do the plan half-assed, do not delude
yourself into thinking, “This plan isn’t working.” It’s you who isn’t working,
not the plan. Do not confuse lack of diligence with poor planning. Those are
two separate animals.
Now go.
8. Stop to think more (if not already
out):
Sometimes it isn’t shit’s creek. It’s more like shit’s gorge. Climbing out is
an involved process. In such a process, a few things will be necessary.
One thing is rest.
Pushing yourself to exhaustion and then collapsing likely means you’ll just
conk out and roll back to the bottom of the creek. Pace yourself. Realistically
pace yourself. And understand that often you can’t come up with realistic
pacing until you really get into the meat of the project and know exactly what
you are up against. (So, to reiterate, come up with a pace. Once you get boots
on the ground and know exactly how hard this will be, come up with a realistic
pace. You’ll find the more creeks you exit using these methods, the more
accurate your initial estimations will get. “Know theyself,” and all that jazz.)
This brings me to the
other important point at this step. No plan, no matter how good, survives first
contact. That “root” was actually a snake. That mild slope was slicker than a
greased pig and you can’t climb it. Things you counted on are unreliable.
Instead of grieving when
this happens, literally go back to step six and say to yourself, “This pretty plan
I’m coming up will not survive the day. That’s totally ok. I’ll make a new one
when things change.”
It also bears mentioning
that if you’re in a gorge, you can’t see the whole way up. As you learn more,
the plan must grow and evolve. Do whatsoever mental yoga is necessary in order
to make these adjustments your internal norm, instead of an unexpected and
undesired new crisis.
9. After Action Review:
Ah, you’re free at last. Now and only
now is it productive to ask yourself, “How the hell did I get down there?” And
the only reason it matters remotely is to answer the next question: “How can I
avoid going back?”
Keep in mind that the
answer to this question, too, is a plan in and of itself. So be specific. Vague
promises to yourself (“I’m never gonna end up in shit’s creek again!”) are as
useful as (to use my father’s colloquialism) tits on a bull. A specific plan on
how to avoid it, maybe some standard operating procedures, actually ups your
odds of no repeat performances.
I’ll go ahead and give
you a part of any worthwhile plan for free: help other people out of the creek.
This is total pay-it-forward mojo. People that were in the creek before you
helped you out, so you help out the people after you. In the process of doing
so, you’ll help reinforce avoiding the behaviors that got you there in the
first place. (And you get the added bonus of being a good human being.)
You should also know
this: there will be another creek. You will fall in it. Guaranteed or your
money back. If, as a species, we line all the edges of the creeks with helpers,
the occupants will get out that much faster and easier. If we all help others
out of the creeks we know, we are more likely to find helping hands when we
splash down in that new one.
So that’s it. I hope that
helps you with whatever creek you’ve fallen into. Good luck getting out. Let me
know if I can lend a hand.
-
PGS – 10/2/15
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